As a therapist, I see clients with many different diagnoses. Over the years, I learnt one thing – that we humans always seek control and predictability in our lives and, when we don’t get it, we become distressed. This goes for ourselves, as well as for others who we care about. A person with ADHD or bipolar disorder is unpredictable and beyond control (both of others and of themselves), and we start being concerned of their overall functioning.
I then began wondering – why would we seek predictability and control when we KNOW our world is unpredictable and uncontrollable? A couple of days ago, it struck me – our brain makes ‘rules’, or heuristics, for EVERYTHING. Following heuristics makes it easier for our brain to understand our world. In the process, our brain creates heuristics for our daily functioning.
Following a “if x, then y” thought process doesn’t really work, however, in the real world. “If he’s in school, he will be focused”, “if I ask for help, I will get it”, “if I give to others, I will receive from them”. Can you see how that speaks to a need for control and predictability?
So, why would our brains nurture our dysfunctional thought and emotional patterns? Because our heuristics change – “if he’s in school, he’s never going to be focused”, “if I ask for help, I’m never going to get it”, “no matter how much I give, I’ll never get anything back” OR “I don’t have to give to get”.
OK, so what are we meant to do about it? First of all, be aware of it as an unconscious and automatic process. Know when you are seeking control or predictability, and realise that it is, perhaps, your brain’s way of making life easier to understand.
And then, use our wonderfully evolved capacity for executive functioning. Pay attention to the one place that you DO have control over – the here and now. Come back to “I may not know what’s going to happen in the next minute, but right now, I am doing/feeling/thinking…”. Let this guide you to what you do/feel/think next, and don’t let that be the source of an attempt to predict our control the future. It’s not easy, and it is an intentional lifestyle that we put in place every day.
This is just a thought – I haven’t looked for research or clinical backing for it, so don’t quote me. But do think again – do you think this could affect you?
Think Again 