Everyone who has ever met me (and not just those who know me) know that I am a friendly outgoing person. In fact, I was once told that I was the epitome of extraversion! I often smile at people as I pass them on the street, and I might even say “hello”. I talk to everyone, which has at times annoyed family members who wonder why I know people after spending a week somewhere.
In my family, there are just two of us who are like this – my father and myself. But this is where our similarity in sociability ends – because despite how I am to the outside world, I actually prefer to be alone. I noted earlier that I was told I am the epitome of extraversion? Personally, I prefer not to be.
Jung’s personality traits include introversion-extraversion as one of the dimensions. However, with time and through various iterations of the concept (including in the Big Five model of personality), the original form has been lost. Jung defined extraversion as “a mode of psychological orientation where the movement of energy is toward the outer world” (Luton, retrieved on 7/9/2020). Introversion, meanwhile, is defined as “a mode of psychological orientation where the movement of energy is toward the inner world” (ibid.)
What does that mean? It means that extraversion and introversion are not limited to one’s sociability, but are actually related to how we think of our world. In the former, our thought processes are predominantly led by the influence of the world around us – people, places, objects, anything we encounter outside of us. Introversion, meanwhile, refers to the trait where our thoughts processes are predominantly guided by our own personal belief systems and internalized values.
Thinking of extraversion-introversion in its original form, it is more of how we process information than how friendly we are. Extraversion and introversion are also dynamic, meaning someone may vary between the two throughout their lifespans. In addition, since introversion and extraversion exist on a spectrum, it is possible to be at a lower level of extraversion or a higher one. The same is true for introversion. However, no matter what, you are only ever predominantly one.
I believe that I am indeed predominantly an introvert. When it comes to making decisions, or reflecting on them, I do so from my own personal perspective and am less guided by the perspectives, thoughts or observations from the world around me. Part of that comes from how exhausting it is to “keep up with the joneses”, to fit my perspectives and beliefs off of what I get from the world around me which is oftentimes not agreeable with my personality. The other part emerges from my belief that, like everyone else, my life and my expereinces are unique to me. Referring to the outside world to process information hence doesn’t make sense to me.
However, trying to explain this to individuals who see me as solely an extravert because of how sociable I am has often proven to be an unsuccessful endeavor. Instead, I have begun to define myself as a “reluctant extravert”.
What do I mean? Basically, although I interact with the world around me more than other people would, I do so through my personal lens, finding evidence for and against my personal thoughts and beliefs (as I usually do as an eternal student). At the same time, since no man is an island, I often have to compromise my personal perspective to take into account the valid perspectives of others. While I may not be averse to doing so professionally, it is more of a problem when I have to do it in the outside world. However, my desire to avoid conflict often wins out in that battle. Hence, I am a reluctant extravert.
That’s not to say people cannot be extraverts and proud of it, or introverts who are comfortable with neing themselves in the world around me. But it is my insecurity that leaves me as a reluctant extravert and another person as a reluctant introvert. I wish I could be brave enough to make my own decisions without worrying about the potential conflict with others from doing so. Just the way I do when I’m alone.
Meanwhile, the reluctant introvert may wish to ask others or refer to others when making decisions but is unable to either becaise of fear of judgment or simply because there is no one to ask.
Just a thought. I have no evidence for what I’ve written here other than my own experience. But if this thought has elicited self-reflection, then it has done its job.
Think Again 