A while ago, I read an article by Rentfrow, Gosling and Potter (2016) that correlated each state with one personality trait from Costa and McRae’s Big Five personality traits. Among the correlations, one that stayed in my mind was the correlation between New York and Neuroticism. To the unversed, neuroticism is “a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings” (from ‘Psychology Today’).
I was reminded of an incident that took place when I lived in New York. I was talking a stroll one day, and a man in a suit came from behind me and glared at me as he walked by, much like how a driver might do to a car that he has overtaken. The irony? When I came to the crosswalk, he was standing there just as I was…and studiously avoiding looking at me! Meanwhile, my mind went to one thing – “what’s wrong with taking it slow?”
Of course, there are people who enjoy the hustle and bustle of New York, and some people thrive in the constantly moving, ever animated city. The endlessly changing landscape that leads to whole new experiences of the city within the span of a few months has its appeal, as does the continuous growth that New York embodies. Indeed, I have received my share of incredulous looks because I prefer Springfield to New York – how can you NOT love New York?
For me, while I lived in New York, the energy around me made me walk faster, think faster, and always wonder what was next. Thinking about step 16 when I was only on step 2 became a norm. Making plans, changing them, making new ones – how can I tackle this activity most efficiently so I can spend less time on it, do well on it and also go on to the next activity? There was no time to enjoy what I had succeeded at doing – because there was always something I hadn’t even started on yet.
But it took moving to a quiet city that confirmed for me the fact that the “New York me” wasn’t actually who I am. Taking strolls, stopping oh-so-often to simply look at the sky or listen to a bird, people-watching, asking someone I see regularly how they are and actually stopping to hear their answers…for me, these seem natural. These little acts are where I stop for a second, where I take my little breaks in the rat race of life.
The great Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” From a therapist’s perspective, that makes perfect sense. Indeed, depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin for a reason; you’re anxious about something coming up, your anxiety affects how you do at it, you remember this “failure” and it is a source of depression for you. You then become anxious that you never want to do that poorly again, something new comes up, your anxiety gets in the way, and the cycle begins again.
Vacillating between frenetic efforts to be perfect, and listlessness when reality hits us that we are not, seems a part of life in more fast-paced worlds. Being like King Sisyphus, cursed to eternally push a boulder uphill, only it is not Zeus but our very own natures that have cursed us. Movement is a lack of staying still. Having ADHD, I know that it is sometimes just HARD to stay still! But moving all the time isn’t healthy, either – the word “peace” itself does not conjure up an image of motion, but one of rest.
Peace comes through living in the here and now. As it is characterized by stillness, physical or otherwise, movement is missing. For those who are constantly on the move, being still may be seen as a waste of time. Still, although things slow down, they do not stop just because we take our lives a day at a time. You will lose nothing by waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green (or white) instead of jaywalking – that bus is not the last one. It will not be the end of the world if you do not buy all the groceries you need in a single trip, the things you missed will still be there the next time you go. The sun will not disappear forever if you put your phone away for the duration of your commute home; rather, there may be something worth seeing out there instead!
So, do I believe in the correlation that New York has with Neuroticism? Without a doubt. But do I believe that every New Yorker is doomed to be neurotic? No. As long as we stay in the present, even for an hour a day, each and every one of us can avoid that fate. But that’s just what I think.
Think Again 