Over the past few months, there has been growing unrest regarding the assaults – and sometimes murders – of black people at the hands of the police. Indeed, these protests have spread globally. Some of you who read this may find issue with what I write. However, whatever I write here is my personal experience and thoughts as a multicultural adult. And the issues that are being faced by Black people around the world made me question where I stand in my little microcosm.

I am a Third Culture Adult, or TCA. What is that? Recken and Pollock (1999) defined Third Culture Kids (or TCKs) as “persons raised in a culture other than their parents’ or the culture of the country named on their passport (where they are legally considered native) for a significant part of their early development years.” So, I grew up as an Indian in Hong Kong for the first 18 years of my life. Extend with age, and you have Third Culture Adults.

It does not completely encompass me, however, so I have begun using the term multicultural more often to describe my cultural identity. As a young adult, I spent 13 years in India where I gained even more values relating to my Indian identity. Having been exposed to US culture growing up, and then living here for the past 7 years, has led to me identifying with values here as well.

So, why this info? Because of how I experienced discrimination, not just towards my race but towards all the cultures that I identify with.

An article came out recently that the Indian minority is being used by the government of a particular country as a counterpart to the systemic racism faced by black people, and it spurred me to write this. Basically, the governing body was providing ‘evidence’ that Indians in their country were financially and occupationally successful, so that meant that racism wasn’t an issue.

In my personal life, I can agree to some extent, and disagree to another. First of all, finances and occupation are not the only areas where racism may exist. However, I will admit that I have not experienced racism in these areas. Having lived in affluent Hong Kong for 18 years before moving to India, our family could be considered quite well-off. Likewise, I have never worked part-time, and have only ever held full-time jobs (albeit in a poorly paid but emotionally rewarding field).

That is not to say I have not faced micro-aggressions due to my identity. From bullying and social exclusion as an Indian child in British-occupied Hong Kong to discrimination on how I walked, talked and dressed in India, to responses from educators in both countries, micro-aggressions were so rampant that I thought they were ‘normal’.

Nonetheless, they were exhausting to deal with. So I made a choice to go to a country where the world’s perception of my identity and what it truly is was similar – where we both could agree “what I am” for lack of a better expression. After all, both the world around me and I agree that I am not American.

Then I started working as a therapist. You’d think we are all culturally aware. Not true. Unfortunately, this didn’t mean there was a reduction in micro-aggressions, just new ones. At the start, they were within my education. Peers unwilling to help a newcomer find people for field work. Teachers asking “oh, so you grew up in British-occupied Hong Kong? You must speak the Queen’s English”. Being suggested to do another Masters degree on top of the two I already had because “doing a Masters in India doesn’t really prepare you for doing a Doctorate in the US”.

Turns out choosing to do my third Masters in the US was a blessing in disguise – it was more suited to what I wanted to do, plus I had more culturally competent teachers who didn’t judge me because of my cultural identity. There were more questions of curiosity about my cultures rather than assumptions. And I was looked at solely for my academic skills.

Then I started working as a therapist. You’d think we are all culturally aware. Not true. One colleague asked “Oh you’re Indian? I don’t know if this question is appropriate, but…dot or feather?” I took it as a question of curiosity. My answer? “I’m an Indian with a dot. I’m East Indian not American Indian”. She needed education, I gave it to her. Let me also add that she stuck to using East Indian after that interaction.

Here, however, was a different type of discrimination – my friends wondered why I didn’t consider that discrimination. Why wasn’t I upset that my colleague had asked that? Why wasn’t I identifying it as a micro-aggression? To me, however, these questions could not be assumed as discriminatory. Yes, the question was assumptive. Indians are not just identified by a dot or a feather. But it was a learning experience for her, and – for me – the positive emotion associated with a successful learning experience trumps the negative emotion of a racial micro-aggression.

Compare this with another experience that I had with another colleague. As I prepared for my licensure exam, a mentor (yes, a mentor) stated, “it must be hard for you because of the language gap, since it’s in English”. I figured this, too, was to be a learning experience, so I clarified “well, even if English isn’t my native language it is my first language – I grew up going to British schools, and the first language I learned was English. My parents would only speak to us in English, too, so that we wouldn’t get confused”. And here is where it differed. Her response was, “but still, being Indian it must be hard”. No learning, just a pretty firm hold on her belief that my skill at the English language was inferior because I was Indian. THAT was an unacceptable micro-aggression.

I guess the question I always land up asking myself is this – where do we draw the line between what is discrimination and what is innocent questioning? Not everyone experiences the world the same way. Many people haven’t ever left their own countries, or even their own cities. They learn how to express themselves from the people around them. Yes, I may be more aware of micro-aggressions in New York city as compared to, say, a small town in Wisconsin. But if, in the end, they leading to learning…if they can be corrected and that correction becomes a part of their mindset and behavior…do we really have to continue carrying it with us?