There’s a reason that I split my feelings for this group into 2 parts. One part is my admiration for what they do for the public (and for me). Another part, however, is of concern for these same men.

Lets start with how they dared to start the journey following their dreams, just like the rest of us. I don’t presume to know what their dreams are – mindreading is a nonexistent talent. But they are fulfilling a dream, perhaps without even realizing it – expressing themselves freely and introducing themselves to the world. A beautiful dream, one that extends from the desire all of us have – to be accepted for who we are.

And yet, ironically, the more people they reach, the less free they become to express themselves. BTS’ resounding success at reaching people around the world (the first K-pop group to have an album debut at number 1 on the US Billboard Top 200 is just one accomplishment) is partly based off their willingness to share their vulnerabilities, be it through their music videos, their reality sketches, interviews or meet-and-greet sessions. This very strength that makes them stand out can becomes a double-edged sword, as it exposes them to that much more scrutiny. A side-effect that they most probably knew would happen, but also one that presumably became progressively more real and pronounced over the 7 years they’ve been together.

There is always a part of us that we want to keep to ourselves. Usually, it is the opposite of what we show to the world. Being a leader does not necessarily mean we do not have our insecurities. Being attractive does not necessarily mean we don’t doubt our appearances. Being the one who is often in the spotlight doesn’t mean that we aren’t otherwise introverts or that we don’t prefer to being in the background instead. Those are our vulnerabilities, and showing these takes a great deal of courage. Most people don’t have that courage, and we have the option NOT to show our vulnerabilities to the world. We can choose to work through our weaknesses privately, just as we can choose to share them with others to get through them. Sometimes we slip up and we let them show them unintentionally, but we are very rarely ever forced to show them.

Not true for these men. In fact, this post came off a couple of incidents that caught my attention. An article popped up about a member going clubbing in the midst of the COVID outbreak in April. Another sampled an infamous mass murderer in a song he personally wrote. Then there are the ones not posted in the news – a self-made exercise video inadvertently showing one of the guys with a frowning and serious expression. Another was casually questioning his capacity and skills in two separate live streams.

Most of us can get away with not choosing to show our vulnerabilities to the world by taking time to ourselves and, hopefully, processing our feelings and coping with them on our own or with our near and dear ones. We go for walks, we post our feelings on social media, we go clubbing, we go shopping, we write…these are all our coping strategies during times of stress.

When 7 young men get together to chase a common dream, there’s no doubt that it is a stressful journey. It is also not one that has an end, not because of the desire to maintain a place of power and fame but also because of the enriching relationships developed throughout it. Add to that the fact that the COVID-19 pandemic has forced all of us to focus on self-care more than ever.

Self-care strategies remain the same, regardless of how far along you are in your dream. The difference, though, is how easy it is for the person to do it. Writing is one form of self-care, and all the BTS members write their own. For one member, however, the lyrics were overshadowed by a poorly chosen sample track. One of the guys went clubbing with friends, another self-care activity, but it was overshadowed by poor timing (about 3 months after the identification of the virus). Socializing with people other than the other members and staff they work with is now impossible. One apparently loves to go for walks and enjoying nature, but this is overshadowed by excited fans and the constant presence of security and other staff. Then again, some people do not have an outlet for stress in the first place.

So yes, the BTS members are awesome. They are skilled and are able to do something I always hoped someone could – providing a safe space, music, for people to realise that they aren’t alone in their vulnerabilities.

But they are also human. And therein lies my concern. While they provide a safe space for us to express our vulnerabilties, who does the same for them?

I recently found myself, a 39-something years old woman, very interested in a boy band (though can you call a group of 20-something year old men boys?). Even now, as I write this down, I wonder if I am simply attracted by their looks, their dances and their styles. In which case, how mature am I in reality? I began to reflect on my thoughts and actions, as I am wont to do when they cause me to question myself. I wondered if I, like many of their fans, was enamored by their outward appearance and behavior. I looked back at when I first began to pay attention to their music.

It began with a friend telling me about them as part of our conversation about music (I had mentioned that as a multicultural adult, I listened to a great deal of music from other countries). She noted how some of their lyrics were based off of psychological concepts and suggested a song that I should listen to.

My curiosity piqued, I watched the video of the song she suggested. Yes, they looked good and they danced well. They were able to do both at the same time as well, as I later found when I watched one of their recorded live performances. Might not seem like much, but there are surprisingly few artists who can simultaneously sing and perform a choreographed dance.

But what intrigued me the most was the way their dance was expressing something even deeper, something more raw. Since the song was in a language that I didn’t know, I decided to look them up. This was the turning point in my interest – their lyrics expressed the depth of distress that came with writer’s block. I went further into their music, and that they wrote their own lyrics based off their own experiences. But it wasn’t just that – several of the phrases harkened back to Jungian concepts. For those of you who don’t know, Carl Jung was the student of Sigmund Freud, and – in essence – developed a more practical version of the unconscious mind and how it affected conscious thought and action.

Now, my curiosity was no longer just curiosity…I actually began admiring them. How did a group of 20-something year olds bring out these very concepts that we use as therapists? And they took it one step further…by using their music, they were doing what I hoped to do one day – using these concepts to help a much larger group of individuals. They were fundamentally introducing these concepts to millions of people!

I talk to my clients and use their life experiences to introduce these concepts, making more practical and real. These men (yes, men, not boys) were using their own experiences to introduce these principles, exposing their own vulnerabilities and reaching out to those of their fans.

So, yes, I am a fan of a boy band. Not just because of how they look and dance…but because of what they were doing with their music.  I hope more and more of their fans realise just what they are saying through their music, fulfilling the goals of not just the men in the band, but mine, too.

By the way, the band is the Bangtan Boys, or BTS. There you have it, I admit to being one of their millions of admirers. And I’m not ashamed to say so.