Wanderlust

At 39, I finally got my US driver’s license and a car of my own. I used to drive my parents’ car in India; I have a driver’s license there, too. There are a differences here.

Apart from the obvious, of course – less traffic, better rules, the side we drive on…The other, more personal, difference is my mindset. Driving my parents’ car in India necessitated only driving the car when and where they wished. And that makes sense; the car is a convenience – and now a necessity – for them at this age.

But for me, it felt more and more like a chore to be driving from point to point for specific goals. The constant need for vigilance on roads that were too packed and – more often than not – like a battlefield of competing commuters trying to ‘get there first’, was exhausting. I rarely, if ever, got something out of it other than my parents, or myself, reaching the desired location.

Today, as I write this, I am contemplating how I have driven to another state (about an hour and a half away) 8 times since I got the car a month ago. I find myself wondering how long it will be before I’m on the road again, planning the next trip and allowing for changes in my plan. Almost like I’m reminding myself, reaffirming for myself, the fact that I have freedom here.

As a Third Culture Kid, I often felt rootless – not completely home in India, nor in Hong Kong. This was depressing as a child, as it felt like I never knew where I belonged. But it became liberating as an adult; I was not tied to any one place, which suited me just fine. Just like my tastes in music, film, food – and, indeed, life choices – I am a global citizen. I don’t give any one place more value than another; not by country, state or city.

Throughout my life, I learned several languages because I could. I talked about the differences of British rule in Hong Kong and India because I could. I chose to move to a country other than India or Hong Kong…because I could. I developed an awareness of the difference between discrimination and ignorance because I could. There’s a reason why “I can” indicates an ability AND a choice to do something.

This liberation to choose, however, was until recently stunted by the fact that I could not PHYSICALLY wander the way I wished. As a child, it was limited to what was decided by my parents. As an adult in India, it was a matter of linear travel; from point A to point B without diversion. Here, there was a freedom to be without a destination…but no way to enjoy it. In the end, I was restricted either by destination or by means; my rootlessness had limits.

The first time I drove to another state, I found myself wanting to go further. So, instead of just entering the state and then leaving it, I opted to stop at a gas station, get some food at a drive-thru, and the drive back home. None of this was planned – it was a spur of the moment decision made based simply on the fact that I could.

Having a car and being free to use it as needed or desired is, for me, a symbol. A symbol of travel without limits. A symbol of my pride in being rootless. A symbol of my wanderlust without boundaries.